


Ribs.

by embrcethevoid



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Based on a Lorde Song, Childhood Friends, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Teenagers, First Kiss, Fluffy, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, Sometimes Sad, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 06:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19901518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embrcethevoid/pseuds/embrcethevoid
Summary: Dan and Phil throw a party, hoping to change their normal/loser lives. In the middle of adversities and growing up, it did, but not in the way they expected. Way, way better.





	Ribs.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: 
> 
> Homophobia  
> Homophobic slurs  
> Drinking  
> Bullying

Phil always wanted to be spiderman. Childhood dreams don’t happen as planned, you learn that as soon as you grow a little more, as you let go of saving your neighborhood, life shows to unfold in the most ridiculous ways. You just grow up, no life changing event, you have no superpower, your neighbors hate you.

But he has spiderman senses when it comes to Daniel Howell, his best friend. He knows when he’s approaching, he feels his step in his heartbeat, he knows when it’s safe or when it’s trouble. It’s mostly trouble.

But it’s so normal. He wishes that it was a least supernatural. That he knew something else, so he could be shocked when he sees his reality abruptly transforming into this. But they know each other since they were 3, and it has always been this way. It’s good and fun, but it’s just his life. He can’t settle on how normal it is when everyone thinks it’s so rare. ”A friendship like yours it’s so rare. Treasure it.” His mom always says. He treasures it, too much to it’s normality, he doesn’t even know why, but he listens carefully every time his steps comes around.

And when it comes running, it almost changes Phil’s whole mind.

It dragged Phil in his direction, like a black hole. It holds Phil in place, forever if he wanted, with his bare hands by the strap of his blue backpack. A typical Thursday morning, normal.

“Please say yes!”

“Again, I’m not marrying you.” Phil says.

Dan rolled his eyes, “Our lives depend on this, Phil.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re late for theater class.” It wasn’t a joke, Phil know Dan’s schedule like he knows his own.

“If life just give you the perfect opportunity, what do you do?” He asks, eyeballs almost popping out.

Phil kicks Dan’s leg in response, who screams “NO!”, every student passing by have learned to ignore them, normal. See, what Dan doesn’t realize is that this does not help their reputation at all!

Dan laughs maniacally (normal) and screams again, “NO, PHIL!” shaking him violently, “You grab it and kiss it!” he kisses Phil’s both cheeks. Again, normal. Even tough people don’t think it is. Even though Phil’s stomach do some weird shit about it. He's used to it.

“You’re not buying me!” Phil said.

“Oh no, it’s for free.” Dan smirks and before Phil could protest he had already lost his case.  
“Fairy Godmother?” Dan bashes his eyelashes.

Not very normal, he admits.

They had this thing they made when they were little kids, they could ask three “no questions asked” and no denaible wishes for the other over the year. Dan never used his in the wrong way, he was always thoughtful about it. He had already used two that year, one for buying a new game with Phil’s money without paying it back, and the other right after, to move Phil’s xbox to his house for the whole summer because his was broken. Phil spent his tree on candy.

Phil sighs deeply, “Daniel!” He exclaims joyfully, like he didn’t saw his good friend for quite some time. “What is it that you wish for, my dear?”

“Let’s throw a party, old man!”

↠↠↠↠↠↠

Okay, fridays were always too normal. But this one wasn’t.

The news that Phil’s parents would be out of town for the weekend travelled too supernaturally fast in proportion to his relevance, that was zero by the way. But 16 year old teenagers care for party, no matter from who that party is coming from, a very inclusionist mindset.

Dan might be a little more popular than Phil because he do theater and people find him annoying. Phil do nothing, and people don’t care about him enough to find him anything. But Dan always dreamed about popularity, and he always tries to do his best to achieve it (Phil thinks he’s doing it in the wrong way, no one like theater kids.) and the popularity rule is: if you throw a party you’re instantly cooler than you were before. And okay, it was Phil’s house, but Phil does not agree with this (because his parents would NEVER agree with this), so he’s not gonna move a muscle to help Dan, in the end, Dan can keep all the credits fairly, because Phil IS NOT throwing a party!

“So I heard you’re throwing a party?” Phil heard from the other side of his open locker door while he was picking up his history book. If Phil hadn’t recognized the voice he would be mad at that statement, but he recognized it, and he couldn’t believe it.

He closed his locker door and faced the school’s most beautiful face, Audrey Esme, with all her glory and fame and glow, talking directly to Phil, smiling even. Phil didn’t know if he had an actual crush on her, but the whole school had, so he might as well do. And when she flicked her blonde sunny hair behind her shoulders, Phil somehow was bathed in her aurea, he felt sick and in love, and he was TOTALLY throwing a party!

Phil wanted to ask “Can you see me?” because he didn’t thought someone so supernatural like her could see a mere mortal like him. But he gathered his new found rebellion and a confidence he didn’t knew from where was coming from and just said “Yeah…” (he tried to throw a bit of coolines there too).

“That’s dope!” She said, “Am I invited?”

“Would that stop you from coming?” Cool.

“Never.” She laughed “But I wanted you to know that I’m going.”

Phil wanted to pinch himself, he was sure it was all just a dream “Like it was possible not to realize when you’re around!”

She smiles, “Great! See me there then!” and walked past Phil touching his shoulder with hers.

Oh Dan will not believe Phil at all.

He hasn't seen Dan all day, but he has seen traces of him over the whole school. Everyone was talking about it, he could hear Dan’s name over the halls and classrooms. Phil obviously wouldn’t let Dan throw this party if this wasn’t his wish, but he had to admit that now he was quite excited about it, and when he thinks about how much Dan must be loving this attention, he feels happy for his friend.

But having to sit through his history class hearing his classmates saying what they were gonna do at the party, who they were gonna kiss and how drunk they gonna get, in his own goddamn house! That was giving Phil so much anxiety! Would he have to kiss people? Would he have to drink? What if his house smelled like alcohol? Did Dan knew about the alcohol? Who is gonna provide all this kids alcohol? Does no one eat at this kind of party? They don’t have any money! What if his parents find out?

“Oh my god, Phil! Calm down!” Dan laughed at him in their lunch break. “No parent will find out! Your parents are miles away, your brother doesn't even live at home anymore, and I’m just gonna tell my parents I’m at your house like I always am, and they are not gonna suspect anything because they literally don’t care.”

“But-” Phil tried to protest.

“And of course I knew about the alcohol, Phil! The guys on the football team are gonna brink beers and Vodka, they have their ways.”

“What the hell? The football team? We are scared of them!”

“So you know how Faya knows Alex, right?” Dan asks and Phil nods, of course he knew Faya knows Alex. Faya is the most annoying theater kid ever, also Dan’s friend so Phil usually have to keep with her bullshit. And by some crazy witchcraft she’s kinda popular because her parents were both on the west end, so she’s in the middle ground of popularity statistics, then she knows some middle ground kids like Alex, who is dumb but popular because everyone thinks he’s hot, including Dan, who has a crush on him.

Dan continued “Faya said she would talk to the middle grounds for me about the party, and she was like you should come with me, so I went, and guess what? I talked to Alex, face to face!” Phil tried his best not to roll his eyes “And then Alex was like fully talking to me, Phil! And he said I should met his friends who were near, and it was some guys from the football team! And they were like oh my god you throwing a party? And at first I thought they were gonna beat me up but then they said they were gonna bring some drinks!”

“That’s scary!” Phil said wide eyed.

“I know! Alex is coming to my party! God, I’ve met so many people today, Phil! Real popular people! You know how I sit beside Audrey in English, right? She asked me about the party! And I said you were throwing it, and don’t look at me with that face because I know you like her!”

Phil was bright red “I don’t like her! Not more than everyone else.”

“I told her to talk to you and surprisingly she said she would might!”

“You told her to talk to me?” Phil said unbelieved.

“I had to try!”

“Well…" Phil covered his face with his hands "she actually did though.”

“WHAT?” Dan screamed spitting his sandwich.

“And I think she flirted with me?”

“You liar! What did she say?”

“She was like asking if she was invited and that she wanted me to know that she was going, and then she said that I would see her there!”

“DUDE, YOU'RE SO IN THERE!” Again, Dan doesn’t get that screaming things does not help our reputation.

“She bumped into my shoulder, on purpose!”

“Man…" Dan threw his head back and sighed, "that’s the best thing that ever happened to us, and to think you didn’t wanted that!”

“Oh but I still don't want to and I still have a lot of questions.” Phil said as the school bell rang.

“I’m afraid we don’t have time for it. Watch a youtube video on how to kiss and I promise I will help you take all of your moms carpets of the floor and hide her vases.”

↠↠↠↠↠↠

Is it silly? To be scared of things that are supposed to be good? If you see everyone doing it and they seem to get out harmless, and they seem to have fun, is it silly to be scared to do it too?

How old it gets silly to be scared of the dark? How old it gets silly to be scared of being a teenager?

He should be paying attention to the teacher, but he looks over at Dan sitting next to him, hoping to be filled with comfort, but his chest hurts and his stomach seems to drop, it's like all of his body is screaming "ALERT! DANGER!"

He closes his eyes and tells himself all is gonna be fine, it's just Dan, and it's just one night, it's not a statement. He wants to believe it will be barely a change.

But he wants to look at Dan again, and he does. The screaming it's still there. Dan's seems so concentrated, but Phil know him in his normality and even when it's something new, Phil knows he's wandering. Thinking, being scared. Phil knows he would say no feeling is silly, but he wants this (A party, a spotlight, teenagerhood, a statement.) so bad he would go against his own moral code.

Both of them were always scared of the dark. How old it gets silly to boys to share beds? Phil asked sometimes, Dan never shared his thoughts on this. He just tickled him. It's what he do when he doesn't know what to do about Phil.

Phil was so lost on his thoughts, he didn't realized he was still staring at Dan and that he was whispering Phil's name. He jumps when he feels tickles.

"What?" Dan whispers.

Phil just shakes his head. And Phil thinks Dan knows everything Phil feels, but he still doesn't know what to do about him.

"Don't be silly!" Dan often reads Phil's mind. He tickled him again, and Phil almost laughs.

But it didn't convinced Dan, it made his face serious and his voice soft, "Please don't worry, I don't wanna worry."

"And you are not worrying?"

Dan looks at the ground, and at Phil, and then at the ground, and at Phil again. "Of course I worry, Phil. But I can't." He said but with his eyes only.

And Phil understood what he should've before, for Dan, he can't worry.

More tickles, and this time Phil laughs, and then he laughs for real, because it's for Dan, tongue slipping out and all.

The teacher calls them out. They look at each other one more time and giggles, Dan finds comfort, that's enough for Phil.

↠↠↠↠↠↠

Dan kept his promise, they did a great job getting the house ready for the party and hiding the things that could break or get dirty. Phil felt a weird need to hide his heart.

But Phil kept his promise too, Dan never saw his worried face again.

The atmosphere was looking cool, Dan have some funky lights in his bedroom and he brought them over. Colored lamps, so everything was looking red, some other rooms looking pink or blue. They had also put on some fairy lights, and some black balloons were all over the floor (Dan couldn't just live life without aesthetic). There was snacks in bowls over the tables, the playlist Dan made was pretty nice, and they set up the DDR if people wanted to play. Not that he ever went to a party before but this one seems legit. Seems like a party.

They got ready early and were sitting on the couch for a whole hour now, looking at their phones. Dan was sitting still and behaved for he didn't want to mess his hair and outfit, ripped black jeans and a balck see through shirt with a black glittery cropped top. Black all-star. He was insecure about this outfit, but Phil reassured that he was pulling it off. It was true, he looked pretty, as always, but different, he looked very authentically Dan. His curls looked particularly perfect tonight. All for that Alex guy, honestly, Phil knew he shouldn't feel this way, but the guy was kind of a jerk, he didn't deserve Dan, that was also kind of a jerk, but Dan was a jerk in a good way. A way that Alex wouldn't understand. As bad as it sounds, he hope Alex is straight after all, so Dan can get over it, but there are rumors that he's not…

Phil don't have anyone to impress. The things Audrey said were clearly for lols, it was not true. It was not gonna happen, he is not even sure if he wants to happen. So he's sitting like he always does, like he doesn't have a care in the world, all spread out on the couch, his white Nikes were on Dan's lap (despite Dan telling him repeatedly to not do that), matching black ripped jeans, and a Nasa t-shirt.

Phil felt Dan's hand on his leg and then heard a whisper of his name, so quiet, Phil is sure he could only hear because of his spiderdan senses. He looked up his phone to a low key panicking Dan.

"I'm worried." Dan whispered again, like it was a secret.

Phil sighed, and heard his heart crack a little. He gets why Dan wants this so bad, deep down everyone just wants to fit in. Phil reach for Dan's hand to pull him up, and Dan does, bringing Phil to sit normality and closer to Dan. And he wish for Dan to keep his hand in his, and he does it, he often does it. It's always warm.

"I'm not worried." Phil says convincingly and lightly. He tried his best. "We can handle it! We're enough for this. We are not that different. Everyone can do it, we can too."

Dan rests his head on Phil's shoulder, and Phil put his hand on Dan's back. He took a moment to smell his perfume and feel his weight, he wanted to hug him, but for some reason this time he was afraid of not letting him go. Ever.

Phil softly pulled Dan away, "You're gonna mess up your pretty little curls." he said passing his fingers through it.

Dan giggles and Phil missed how he blushed. "You hair is already a mess, Phil!" He said fixing it and Phil closed his eyes.

"I'm sleepy. Why parties have to be so late?"

Dan laughed and grabbed Phil's hand again, caressing him softly, "Hang in there, bub!"

And the first doorbell rang. Dan let go of Phil in a rush it made it feel like he was never there.

↠↠↠↠↠↠

Phil almost had fun. In the beginning, Dan was trying his best to keep Phil by his side.

"Here." Dan said passing him a cup.

"What's this?"

"Apparently, beer." Dan said looking at his own cup.

Phil was not sure, but he was already there so he was trying to swim.

"We are gonna do it together, okay?" Dan asked and Phil nodded. "1, 2, 3, go!"

They both drank it, and Phil didn't really liked the taste, but it was fine until they caught each other's eyes and laughed, spitting beer on the floor.

But people started to stare at them, and Dan went away.

Alex and the football team were keeping Dan around, and because of that Dan kept Phil away. Phil hated that, not only because he was being left out, but because Dan didn't realized that they were constantly making fun of him.

Phil kept hearing his heart crack. But he was playing the socialize game as well, he talked with people he knew, was introduced to some he didn't, had some laughs, accept some beers, but after a while they all end up leaving him alone, or just ignoring him. He tried to not lose Dan of sight, but he failed.

Tipsy, he sat on the couch and watched people playing DDR. Funnily, it was Audrey's friends and it was her turn. She chose a hard song and absolutely nailed it, making everyone around her hyped and leave a shower of cheers when she was done.

She thanked everyone gracefully, her hair kept dancing, making Phil want to touch it. She looked around asking who was gonna go next, and rested her eyes on Phil.

"You!" She screamed joyfully, "You came!"

Phil laughs "No, you came." he said "This is my house."

"Oh the host!" She grabbed Phil by both hands, pulling him up, and Phil couldn't protest that.

"C'mon, c'mon!" She said very close to Phil's mouth and he could smell the beer on her breath, and the warmth on his skin. It was kind of inviting.

He let her drag him to the DDR mat, pushing out of the way a girl who was about to play and screaming "Excuse me, everyone!" some people stopped talking to pay attention.

She grabbed a cup out of a guy's hand and lifted it up, "The host of this amazing party, Paul-"

"Phil." Phil correct her.

"-Phil, is gonna show us his dancing ability."

Everyone laughed, of course, because they were all expecting this big loser nerd to make a fool of himself. She even choose the most difficult song, and he saw some people put out their phones to film. But they don't know him, they don't know he is obsessed with DDR and that he has a best friend who is equally obsessed, and all that mixed with no social life, you make a pro DDR player. He can do this with his eyes closed. He wishes Dan was there to see. He's excited, but he still hears a crack.

Phil was epic. No one was impressed. No hype, no cheer. When he was done and looked around, there was no one to thanks, just bored faces staring at him. Some people were giggling. A boy called him a fag.

Audrey soon grabbed his hand and took him out of the center of attention, but not only before screaming "Oh c'mon, y'all! He was good! Give it up to Phil!"  
There were some claps, boring like they were watching the lamest circus in the entire world.

Phil thought that, a least, Audrey was nice, completely drunk, but nice.

She lead him to sit next to her (very next to her) in the middle of her group of friends on the couch. There was barely any space for them, so Phil used this excuse to put his arm around her. And for some reason her friends found that funny.

"So Phil…" She leaned even more on him "Have you ever kissed a girl?"

Oh that was not nice, not at all. And everyone was looking at him. Waiting for him to say no or to catch him in a lie. Lying was the best option, though.

He was not good at lying, Dan said he was the worst. Phil laughed, trying to be casual, "Yeah…" he said "Of course." They looked suspicious.

"Who?" A girl, who Phil didn't even knew the name of, asked.

"I'm not gonna tell you the names, I don't even know you." Phil said rather rudely, but she deserved it, and she looked upset and confused, like no one ever told her those words before.

"Well…" Audrey continued talking "We are just curious, everyone says you're gay."

WHAT? Since when? EVERYONE? Whos is everyone?

"Really? People think that?" Phil asked.

A boy that was sat next to Audrey laughed, Phil recognized him from math. Everyone else followed him giggling like 5 year olds.

"Phil…" Audrey said, looking at Phil like it was obvious.

"Well, I'm not!" Phil said.

"Better start acting up like that." Audrey said putting her hands on Phil's chest.

The boy from math thought it would be a great idea to bless everyone with his clever thoughts "You only hang out with bunch of queers!" He spited words and laughs.

"Those theater kids!" A voice Phil didn't knew said. Phil's head was spinning. Everyone was finding this so funny.

"That fag friend of yours…" Math boy said, disgusted.

"Who?" Phil asked but he knew who.

"Daniel Howell." Audrey said, again like it was obvious.

And it wasn't. It shouldn't be. Dan taught him that queer was a good word. And that queer people were all so different. Before Dan came out to Phil, he never thought that he was gay. He never really thought about gay people. He knew that maybe there was nothing wrong or bad about them, but people kept acting like there was. And when Dan said, shaking, so scared, that he wanted to tell Phil something new about him, something he had learned recently, and he told Phil with the smallest of voices "I like boys. I think I'm gay, I don't know yet. But I like boys, Phil, in a gay way." Phil's heart broke, because there could never be anything wrong or bad about Dan. He was good in his entirely, he was everything right, yet people were out there thinking he's bad, not valid, and that he shouldn't exist. How could Dan not exist? Phil is sure the world would not exist as well.

"Do you think is bad?" Dan asked, teary eyes.

"You? Bad? Nothing about you is bad. This isn't bad either." Phil said, wiping Dan's tears.

"Will you still want to hold my hand when I get scared?" He said between sobs.

"Are you scared now?"

Dan nodded and Phil held his hand, interlacing their fingers. "Don't be scared. I got your back."

Dan smiled.

Now Phil is thinking of Dan smile. And he hears his heart cracks, this time he thinks it's all gone. He is feeling his intestine in his throat.

"This people sexuality is none of you guys business." Phil almost couldn't say, but he did.

They all laughed, the only thing they know how to do.

"Yeah, you're like them." Audrey said, taking her hand out of Phil's chest.

"I'm not!" Phil said defensive, and he whishes he wasn't that defensive.

"Kiss me then." She said getting closer to him. Her mouth almost there. Phil leaned in, their mouths touch, but he couldn't open his, and before she could do anything Phil pulled her away, not fast, confused but firmly because she tried to lean in again, but not angry, sad. He knew he was fucked now, everyone would talk about this.

He looked at her "I'm sorry you think like this. I never looked at you as a mean person, like everyone did."

She was angry, and fast. Before Phil could leave she spilled her drink all over him, she also spilled "Loser." and Phil just walked away. He could hear all the hysterical laughs behind him. He knew it would haunt his sleep.

He looked around after walking for a bit. He felt lost. In his own house. He didn't recognize it. The rooms, himself. It felt dirty.

He felt everything in his throat again. He was glad he didn't struggled to find his own bathroom. And he was glad no one was doing weird things there.

He threw up. Now it feels like there's no Phil left. "Lover's spit" by Broken Social Scene was playing muffed by the walls of his bathroom. "You know it's time that we grow up and do some shit." How ironic. How embarrassing. Phil's life was embarrassingly ironic.

↠↠↠↠↠↠

Phil grabbed some water and a Cheetos, then sat by the pool. He wanted to put his feet on the water, but what if he took his shoes and someone stole it? Tipsy brain told him it was okay then to put his brand news Nikes his mom bought him on the water when you already put drunk teenagers on her house.

He wanted to look for Dan, but for some reason he's too scared to do so. Maybe he knew the reason. Maybe it was because he didn't wanted to tell Dan about what happened yet, maybe it's because he think he might be learning something new about himself. (and maybe he already knew that).

Phil tried to look at the stars, but there wasn't any. Phil didn't deserve them. The pool area was quieter. It was just people making out. And Phil.

He closes his eyes, and he probably slept. He just got back to conscience when he was pushed into the pool by some guys he didn't even knew, he thinks they run for the school. Phil couldn't think of a lamer sport. But apparently he was the loser there, alright. They went away thinking this was the funniest prank ever made, and murmuring bad words.

Phil could cry. He could cry since Thursday. But he was holding it, and he would hold it right now.

Not much to normality, he thinks. Be careful of what you (or your best friend) wish for.

He immerse under water. And hold still for as long as he could. When he come back, he hears laughs, he rubs his eyes and open it.

Oh no.

It's the boys from the football team and those who pushed Phil. And It's Dan. Of course it's Dan. He looked at Phil confused and definitely not happy, like him about to be thrown at a pool was not a consensual activity. Phil should've knew. He should've been there to stop this from happening.

Phil cover his face and there's a splash. The boys go away, proudly. And these boys stay at the pool. A knowing look at each other, a look full of mutual support and understanding. A look of "of course we would end up here". A look of regret.

But Phil reached for Dan's hand under the water, and Dan held it strongly, despite him looking tired and defeated.

It was so sad, they ended up laughing.

↠↠↠↠↠↠

Phil took Dan to the bathroom upstairs, he covered them both on warm towels, and sat by Dan side while he threw up. He picked them both some dry clothes while Dan waited on the bathroom. Phil changed in his room, a normal pajamas, he couldn't care less about what people said now. For Dan, a pajama bottom and Dan's favorite Phil's jumper. He confessed one day that the jumper made him feel safe because it smelled like Phil, and made him feel cute because it was too big. Phil agreed. Dan smiled a little when Phil handed him the clothes.

Phil didn't had to get out for Dan to change, he just looked down. But now he was scared that when they get out of the bathroom someone will see.

Thankfully there was no one there. They had kept the lights upstairs off since the beginning of the party, in the hope that this way no one would go there. Surprisingly, it worked.

They held hands and guided each other through the dark till Phil's bedroom.

There, Phil locked the door and turned on the light. Dan was already on the bed crying. You know how everyone has a personal hell? Phil's was Dan crying for sadness. Unfortunately it happens too much for both of their health. Phil would do anything to fix it, Dan says he is the only one that can try.

Phil sat next to him, and tapped his tight for Dan to lay his head on. He did.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Why you always have to be right?" Dan cried.

Phil felt so heavy. "I'm not right."

"You are! You're always right." Dan said a bit too loud.

But Phil said even quieter, he knew how to deal with sad/angry Dan, "I'm not. You are way smarter than me, you know that. I got some stuff wrong as well."

"Like what?" Dan murmurs.

"I also shouldn't have trusted the people I trusted. And I shouldn't have left you alone, even if you didn't wanted me around. I should have been there to save you."

"You don't need to save me."

"You might not need me to save you, but I need to save you." Phil said embarrassed, but he felt like Dan needed to know. "Every time you are in danger, I feel like I'm in danger too."

This time Phil didn't missed how Dan blushed.

"You're too emotional, old man." Dan joked.

Phil laughed just because he couldn't cry "Maybe I am."

Everything stayed silent for a while. They thought and inhaled, and emitted warm and friendship through their pores for each other to heal. Dan cried a little more and a single tear fell from Phil's eyes. Their heads were still spinning, but love was doing a great job of keeping them still.

"I'm sorry." Dan whispered "I'm sorry for everything, Phil."

"Thank you, I accept your apology. It's okay." Phil pushes Dan's hair out of his forehead, "I'm sorry too."

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

"Well, let's hear your story first, shall we?"

Dan started to narrate what happened since he left Phil behind. "At first it was fine, I was pretending that I wasn't hearing how they were subtlety making fun of me. I didn't wanted to be their friend, but maybe I could be something like that. And then there was Alex, and I wanted to be his friend so badly. I wanted him to know me. I wanted to earn his kiss. Because, he was my only shot. The only person I know that I could maybe have a chance with. Spoiler alert: I didn't had a chance. He's straight, Phil. At least, that's what he thinks. And he's homophobic. And he hates me." Dan's words got caught up in his throat because he started to cry again. Phil squeezed his shoulder in resurance.

"I feel like, in the beginning, they wanted me to trust them. We talked about video games and played beer pong. I won, by the way. And they showed me around like some pet. And they started asking me questions, and I decided to tell them the truth. God, I was so stupid. I had to tell the truth because I wanted Alex to know the truth. It was fine for a while, and then they just left me alone. And i thought 'This is shitty. Why was I putting myself through this?' but Alex came back and sat next to me. And everything almost made sense, it was my shot. He put his hands in my legs and says he thinks I'm cute and funny. And that the party was so cool. That he loved my aesthetic. And that he was sorry if his friends were a bit too much. Of course I said it didn't matter, it should've matter. He said that despite the rumors, he had never kissed a boy before, and that he wanted to try. With me. He wanted to kiss me! I has in heaven. I should've knew better that I'm not allowed in heaven." He laughed sadly. Phil was so angry he wishes he went to the gym all that time his mother suggested that he should tag along with her, just so he could beat the shit out of this dicks.

Dan continued "He said that we should go somewhere more private, and I ignored all the red flags of that statement, it could have happened something worse. But when we got there, all of the football boys and some others were there. My instincts told me to run, but I couldn't move. They started calling me slurs, 'Queer, fag, gaylord' and laughing. I turned to alex and said that I hated him, he just laughed it off. He said ‘C'mon, mate. It's just a joke!’ and they all just lifted me up and started carrying me somewhere. I already knew it was the pool. And I didn't fight, you know I don't fight. Or scream. And then you were there at the pool. And I hated you at that moment, because you were right, and you were right there. And I loved you, because it had to be us, right?"

Phil was crying, finally. And Dan only noticed when he finished his story and looked up at Phil.

He sat and started to wipe Phil's tears desperately "Oh no! Please don't cry, please don't cry." Dan's words held too much power on Phil, he almost stopped crying. "I'm not gonna crush anyone else, and I'm never getting nowhere near a party, ever again, I promise." He held his pinky finger high waiting for Phil to interlace his. Phil did.

"But you can't get any crushes as well. We're gonna be two rich bachelors, parents of cats in a London apartment."

Phil laughs "You don't have to worry about that."

Dan smiled, but then got sad again. "How you got into the pool? Don't tell me you were so drunk you just jumped. And please, don't tell me you were sober and jumped."

Phil giggled "Short version: I was sat there, lonely juice on my tits, some guys came behind me and pushed me. The same guys that did that to you."

Dan squeezed Phil's knee "Longer version?"

Phil told him all. Every detail. Everything it was said about the both of them. When he finished he looked at Dan not knowing what to expect.

But he was smiling. Actually, he was trying not to smile. "You don't need to save me, but I never doubted that you always will."

Phil was feeling so ashamed he couldn't look up.

"Look at me." Dan said, and Phil did. "Why are you feeling guilty?"

"I know I didn't kissed her, but I shouldn't have been anywhere near her, or all of them. I was seduced by popularity. By growing up. I should've done growing up right. And I should've been there for you. It was almost my first kiss. I feel dirty and cheap."

Dan was quiet for a brief moment "I've been thinking that we have a long, long time for getting growing up right. And then getting it wrong again."

"Are you getting smart?" Phil mocked.

Dan smiled "And I'm officially retiring from my road to fame."

"Good." Phil laid down "Good."

Dan laid down as well. "You stood up for me. In front of all those people. You put yourself in a dangerous position for me. You gave up kissing Audrey for me, for god's sake. That's so badass. You are amazing, Phil. Do you know that?"

That made Phil's heart jump out of his chest "I heard." He replied.

"Thank you!"

"You're more than welcome. And if you're scared for how next week is gonna be, don't even worry, I'm gonna go to gym with my mom, and if I have to beat up some ass, you better believe I will."

Dan laughed loudly.

"What?" Phil asked "I can't believe you don't have faith on me."

Dan kept laughing. But then he started yawning, "Can we sleep?"

Phil was unsure, but what could they do? get a megaphone and yell everyone out of his house?

The door was unlocked, he hoped everyone would eventually leave.

"Sure." Phil smiled, Dan looked so cute sleepy with his sweater paws. He got up to turn off the lights and got back to bed. Covering them both with his blanket.

After a while, Dan intertwined his feet with Phil's. "I can't believe they didn't bow to you at DDR."

"I know, right?"

↠↠↠↠↠↠

Phil woke up first, like he always does. And it seemed to be dawn still. He couldn't hear a sound. He got up and checked the time on his phone, 5:45am. There was a message on his phone. It was Faya.

"Hello, Phil. Dan asked me to crowd control the party, and so I did. People started leaving by 3am, I made sure no one was there by 5, the time I left. I turned down the music, but the door is still unlocked. I decided to send you a message as well because I didn't knew if Dan was gonna see it, and it's your house in the end of the day. Also, I'm worried with you too. I heard some bad things happened and then you both disappeared. Dw, no one found it weird. But there was some people talking about you two. I'm so sorry for everything. I hope you guys are okay. The party was actually pretty fun, one of the best. Call me if you need help. x"

He had to give credits for the girl for this one. That was pretty sweet of her. She could be a great friend when she wanted. She never liked Phil much, but she does care for Dan. He sent her a message back, saying thanks and letting her know they were okay now. He told her they would explain everything at school.

He went downstairs to lock the door and see the mess. He took a broom with him in case someone had broke in (he checked all the rooms, with a courage that couldn't only be named "I really don't wanna wake Dan up, he looks so peaceful"). The house was pretty messy, but nothing that they couldn't handle after some more hours of sleep. And some dipyrone. Which he took some, and carried one upstairs with a bottle of water, in case Dan woke up.

When Phil got back to the room, the door made a loud noise and he heard a small "Phil?"

"Yes."

"Oh thank god! You scared me."

Phil laughed "It's okay, they are all gone."

"Good. Perfect."

"Can I turn the lights for a minute?"

"Sure."

Phil turned the lights and encountered a messy hair Dan, they both smiled.

Phil sat on the bed "Here, take it."

"Thank you! You're always one step ahead of me."

"I try my best." Phil giggled "Listen, Faya, sent us both a message, probably saying the same thing. She told me she stayed till the end, because you asked her, and that she made everyone leave at 5am."

Dan checked his phone while Phil talked. "Oh I see!" He says. "Aww, that's so nice of her. Did you say thank you?"

"I did, and that we were fine. But you should say too."

"I will, I will."

Phil sat staring at Dan while he browsed through his phone. Now, he thinks it was worth it, last night. It could've gone differently, it could've gone better, it could've gone less traumatic, but they can't change a thing but themselves. And hopefully this way, the world. The future. And they learned so much. Phil learned something new about himself.

Dan put down his phone and looked back at Phil. They held the stare for a few seconds but gave up when they started giggling. Dan looked at their foot, almost touching, he decided that they should touch. And Phil, secretly, from his side of the bed, likes it.

"Thank you." Dan said again.

"You know you're very much welcomed." Phil replied, gently.

They keep staring at their foot, silence upon them for what it felt like minutes.

And Phil decided he was going for that moment, where is life would truly change. His reality would transform. For worse or for better. It was his hero journey, he was owning up to it.

"I've been thinking a lot about when you told me that you like boys, do you remember?" Phil said running his eyes through the ceiling, making Dan blush instantly.

"No, I don't think I recall that."

Phil rolled his eyes, hitting Dan with his feet, lighthearting Dan's heart.

Eyes back to the ceiling, Phil's coughs and struggling says "Well, I may do too."

Dan took some seconds to understand the words, and when he did it came out loud "Oh."

"yeah..." Phil murmured, clearly embarrassed.

"How do you know?"

Phil almost laughs, bringing his hand to his forehead, clueless, wondering how did he got there, yet he knew so much. His own feet, and feelings and words got him there. Growing up. Life. He might be doing everything right, after all. "Well..." He took a deep breath, "Aren't you a boy?"

"Yeah, I think." Confusion slipping with his words.

"I like you." Phil looked at him, clearly embarrassed, yet so brave. Red as both of their hearts. There was so much expectation for words back, any word, anything, but Dan was speechless, looking at their foot, so Phil kept going "And its not a step down. Not that I don't love you, cause it's not just as friends. I love you, then I like you, and someday I may love you, if that's what we want."

"What the fuck!" Dan finally looked at him, scared, or maybe just surprised. Either way it got tears to Phil's eyes immediately.

"Is it that bad?" He almost couldn’t ask.

Dan opened his hand and put it in front of Phil, who held it, not thinking twice, like he always does. Holding back everything else. That's how you know, he thinks (and he'll tell Dan if he asks), that's how you know it's more than you thought it was before, when you hold everything back for the person. Just to hold their hand.

"You? Bad?" Dan asked and started to get close, really close to Phil's face, resting his nose on his. The gentlest of the touches, woke up all the butterflies from sweet sleep. "That's how I know too..." Dan said "That's how I always knew. Not anyone else, you. Always you." and he smashed his lips on Phil's. Childlike, a little funny, a little weird, too wet. New as teenagerhood, familiar as childhood. Brave as playing as heroes. A tongue slipping in and a laugh too. Silly as giggling in class. Scary and inevitable as growing up.

And right. So right.

But they'll keep sharing beds like little kids and laughing till their ribs get tough.

**Author's Note:**

> drink responsibly! stick up to your friends! listen to Lorde!
> 
> @embrcethevoid


End file.
